Thursday, 3 May 2012

Submitting to Agents via Email: A Time-Line

Wednesday Night
7:51pm: Check submission meets all the agent's guidelines. Snigger at joke in covering letter. Hit send.

7:52pm: Refresh mailbox.

7:53pm: Refresh mailbox.

7:54pm: Check submission guidelines again. Notice sending it in .Doc or .PDF weren't optional. Reassure self that scanned writing on  beermats is fine.

7:55pm: Refresh mailbox. Promise to wait until after 8pm before refreshing again.

7:59pm: Refresh mailbox.

8:01pm: Open wine. Go on twitter. Notice comment by agent. Check their time line for any comment about your MS.

8:04pm: Make funny comment to agent. If they respond they obviously love your MS.

8:10pm: They must be too busy gushing over MS to respond.

8:15pm: Finish wine.

8:25pm: Realise twitter joke to agent was just stalkerish and crazy. Pour vodka.

8:26pm: Refresh mailbox...

9:32pm: Refresh mailbox. Decide to check from another computer just in case this one's broken.

9:48pm: Reread covering letter. Notice four spelling mistakes and the joke is racist. Finish vodka. Shout at mirror. Collapse.
Please, sir, Can I be published?

Tuesday Morning


9:48am: Arrive at work late and reeking of booze. Refresh mailbox...

11:28pm: Refresh mailbox. Get suspended indefinitely as, "Mind seems to be on other things and not the heart surgery".

4 Weeks later
10:23am: Form rejection. Weep.

10:26am: Plan murder of agent.

11:32am: Start new book written on napkins stolen from KFC.