- Some glamour shots - sex sells! Don't worry if you're a bit droopy, the person that actually reads your submission probably hasn't seen a real human for six months and will love you instantly. Drawback: They will stalk and kill you.
- A horse's head - nothing says 'take me seriously' like this tired cliché. But it's sure to get the message across and you'll be signing a book contract in your favourite Italian restaurant before you can say 'sleeps with the fishes'. Drawback: Horse's heads are big and heavy, postage will be massive and you'll probably have to pay to get the postman's uniform cleaned.
- A fluffy kitten - so cute you'll make an instant impression. Drawback - it'll take several days to arrive so make sure you add some cat food and milk to the package.
- An inter-dimensional portal to the universe where you are already a massive success - Literally show them what potential you have, admittedly by going to the universe where you don't post people kittens. Drawback: You'll have to break into CERN to steal it. It might also cause a Resonance Cascade.
- Yourself - then you can talk through any issues they have there and then. Maybe take a kitten with you. Drawback: I can't think of one.
I'll be trying all of these in the next 6 months. If you don't hear from me for a couple of weeks I'm probably lost in the post, living off the last of the kitten meat.