Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Amazing Writing Advice #22: Ask Mark (again!)

Yes, I've found more people out there looking for answers to writing questions. Here are three recent questions I found on Twitter and my answers.
In a query letter do you prefer word count at the beginning or end?
Just send the word count. Repeat it over an over in differing sizes of font and colour. Don't send anything else, not the manuscript, not a synopsis definitely not your contact details. The agent will be so intrigued and desperate for your book they will HUNT YOU DOWN!

If I've self published would an agent still be interested in publishing the same novel? Or is it a catch 22?

I don't know where you heard that but Joseph Hellier didn't self publish Catch 22. If you've self published you don't need an agent. In fact you should set yourself up as an agent. All you need is a phone, pen and drinking habit. Make sure you sign up on Twitter so you can reject people instantly and in public.*

My Novel is YA. Been told the first two chapters need to be cut but I want to keep them. Help?
I suggest you keep them. Preferably under the bed.

I'll be back at some point with some more helpful advice. Either that or to weep uncontrollably into my vodka as I reject people on Twitter.

Mark

*If you are waiting for me to get back to you in my recently launched agent capacity, your work's rejected.

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

MARK KWON DO

ARE YOU A WRITER?

ARE YOU SICK OF GETTING REJECTED?

My name is Mark and if you take my eight week course you will learn a system of submitting to agents that I developed over two years of watching marshal arts films.

I call it

MARK KWON DO!!

I need a volunteer...ok, you'll do.

Show me your query.

SHOW ME YOUR QUERY!

Ok, now I'm going to give you one chance, show me your best hook.

All right, that was pretty good but you might want to leave out the love story involving hedgehogs with alopecia.

As part of my eight week plan you will learn three things:

  1. If you're going up against an agent then you need a wing man. We use the buddy system, people.
  2. The best way to get a book deal is a roundhouse to an agent's head.
  3. Self respect, you think people laugh at me even though I spend a lot of time writing about farting? Only if they want to eat pain sausage!

For a one time, up front fee of £400 you can learn the art of 


MARK KWON DO!